forever ??

can our friendship last forever ? At first , there are seven of you in the 'gang' , then when in form three , added in one more , that's me , then formed the eight of us , the crazy gang ... Now , one of us are in the different school , one of us are in the different class ... We have our own friend too ... "Sometimes we hurt our friend's feelings , but we don't know ... They cry alone , but we don't know ... They pray for us , but we don't know ... " and now as a friend of you all , i'm really sorry if i did anything to hurt you ... I'm always very scared to be alone and to left behind you all , that's why i'm so care about what you all think of me ... Fat ? Annoy ? Stupid ? I'm always thinking that i'm the weakest among you all ... you all are clever, pretty, rich and much more , and me ? Nothing !!! I'm scared that people will look down on me ... when you all ask me to do something, i don have the confidence to do that ... Start from standard three , my confidence is gone ... I not dare to lead people , not dare to anything , just like a coward ... Will you all look down on me ? Every time i was left behind , i was pretending that i was happy and used to it ... But i really tired of pretending .. pretend that i was happy when i was left alone , pretend that i was ok when my marks is the lowest , pretend that i wont mind my body size when you all laugh at me , pretend that i was not angry when you all play at me ... i'm so tired of pretending ... can anyone help me ? Although you all are my best friends , but i cant find a reason to tel you all about my problems , about my sadness , about my loneliness ... sometimes i try to mixed in with you all , but i cant , i'm trying my best to do it , but it still cant ... sometimes our topic are different , our thinking are different ...

weakest ? friends ?

why izzit i am always the weakest ?? weak in STUDY , weak in SWIMMING , weak in EVERYTHING !!! In my family , i'm the youngest , and oso the weakest and the most ugly and fat ... In school , i'm the weakest among my friend ... In swimming , i'm the slowest swimmer in my lane ... Izzit the fate tat i was born to be a loser ? I've a lot of friend , they come near me when they need me , and when i was lost , nobody is around me ... Izzit this call as best friend ? whenever i had a problem , i couldn't find a friend in school to talk with .. In the list of all my friend , just two of them are my best friend , the real best friend .. although both of them are boy , but it doesn't matter ... at least they would listen to me , always be there to help me and support me ... when i broke records or getting the first place in swimming competition , everyone came and talked with me , and when i was fall behind , i felt lonely ... izzit because of i'm weak , you all stayed away from me ? Izzit because of i'm not as fast as before , you all look down on me ? Izzit because of my result was not as good as before , you all dont wan to friend with me ? I've friends always playing , joking , fooling around me , and yet i'm felt so lonely and sad ..........

7.8.09

tis is the day we went out together ... and for sure i wont forget tat .. you are my crazy & amazing lil sis .. i'm glad tat you are my lil sis , and oso my best friend too .. although we just knew each other for less than a month , but i felt happy with all the time spending with you .. still left only 14 days , and you are going back to the place which is so far , far from my house , far from the club , far from penang , far from my country ... above all , you are always our lil sis , and you are always the one we care very much , we miss very much ... between this two month , you had brought us fun , happiness and everything !!! hope tat you wil come back soon , to visit your big bro and big sis ...